Margaret, Jacqueline, and I lost our mother to cancer when Margaret was 11, Jacqueline was 9, and I was 4. We were sent to live with our maternal grandmother and her second husband. While there we were treated abominably, which caused each of us a lifetime of mental health struggles. Margaret and Jacqueline left when they were 18 and 16, respectively. I would visit them while they were living in Boulder, Colorado, and in San Diego. Eventually, I would live with Margaret, but collectively, I spent very little time with Jacqueline. Sadly, I have always felt a disconnect from her because of how little time we had together as adults and our radically different lifestyles. How can it be that I am to be the only one left? 😢
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| Jacqueline at 20 with her dog, Gina. This is how I will always remember her. |
And Then We Were Two
September 9 [2010] Margaret called me at 9:07 p.m. She rarely calls me; she waits for me to call her. I usually answer the phone with "What’s wrong?" or "Are you okay?" I can’t recall if I asked that or just said "Hey!" She was crying. I immediately thought something bad had happened to either Tonga (her little dog) or Luna (her horse). The idea that something had happened to Jacqueline didn’t even cross my mind. Margaret told me the unbelievable news, although details were (and still remain) sketchy.
Our sister was gone. How and why have not been answered. Will we ever find out what occurred...really? I’m doubtful. We talked and cried for quite a while on the phone that night. I still can’t keep the chain of events straight in my head. Who did what and when. What was found? Jacqueline’s son, Caleb, called Margaret. He most certainly called his father and brother. Together, the three of them had to go through Jacqueline’s RV and storage unit. What a horrible thing under any circumstance, but given the fact that Jacqueline may have been dead for several days before being found makes it so much worse. The condition of her RV and the fact that her tiny dog, China (pronounced cheena), was locked in there with her mother’s body...how horrible! (Caleb took China home with him.) Richard arranged for a memorial at their old church on the 12th. Oh yes, I need to scan the program.
I hadn’t seen or spoken with either of my nephews since they were 7 and 9. They are 25 and 27 now. Jacqueline had let her wishes be known. She told Margaret and her sons that she wished to be cremated and have her ashes scattered in San Diego. I guess that no matter where we all have lived, San Diego is our hometown. The area must have been very important to her. Margaret arranged a three-way phone conversation with Caleb, her, and me. He wanted me to go to San Diego. We should all be there. He and Joshua would ride their motorcycles down, and I would fly from Virginia. I hadn’t flown since 1997. Just the mention of flying and the anxiety took over. I had the worst case of butterflies in ages. Hearing his voice break when speaking of his mother was terribly sad! He filled us in on some more of the details. Do I really want to hear this? There was much she seemed to be hiding from us: her sisters and sons. What was really going on with her?
By the next day, I was calmer about the idea of flying. I think Margaret, Caleb, and I had one more three-way conversation before plans were made and my airline ticket was purchased.
Arrangements were made here—my daughter would stay with her aunt, uncle, and cousins for the week. My husband stayed at home with Lizzie (my Corgi). Friends would take him where he needed to go. My brother-in-law’s wife drove me to Richmond International Airport. My husband came too. I packed only a small carry-on and my purse for the week. I had a 3-hour layover at Dulles before leaving for my hometown. I hadn’t been back to San Diego since leaving in 1995. I hadn’t seen Margaret since 2008. I arrived on time in San Diego about 9 p.m. She was there to pick me up. I couldn’t see how much had changed in the dark. It was about an hour before we arrived at her home at her friends’ place in Inland San Diego County. I lived in a camper for months in the 70s. Her 5th wheel coach is luxurious compared to that. We had dinner, talked, and then got some sleep. The "boys" had left home about 3:00 p.m. on Saturday (the 18th). We expected them by Tuesday. Margaret showed me around the property, introduced me to her mare, Luna, and I became reacquainted with Tonga. She took me to lunch on Tuesday. The town has a lot of "new" buildings, but the essence of the town was much the same as when I left there 15 years ago.
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| Margaret in front of her 5th wheel coach home |
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| Margaret with her Peruvian Paso mare, Luna (in her fly mask) |
Caleb and Joshua arrived on Wednesday afternoon. I heard their motorcycles from inside Margaret’s trailer. By the time I grabbed my camera and started running (yes, I actually ran!) toward the gate to the property, I heard them near Margaret’s trailer on the opposite side. I raced back and captured them both as they came around the corner. Oh, my goodness. They are grown men, and so at home on their motorcycles. We got them settled, and then Margaret took us all to lunch. Joshua is a pesco-vegetarian, while Caleb, who works on a livestock farm, does eat meat. We went grocery shopping because I had planned to make vegetarian tacos. We visited for a while. Joshua gave me the program from Jacqueline’s memorial and showed me an image on his digital camera of the photo board they put together for the gathering. I made dinner. We visited some more. Caleb asked, "Why does it take a death to bring us together?" Our chosen homes make it extremely difficult to get together for anything else...sadly.
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Margaret's dog, Tonga, running to meet Josh and Caleb |
Thursday, the 15th, it was time to take care of Jacqueline’s ashes. It is about an hour’s drive from Margaret’s home to where Jacqueline’s ashes were scattered. Margaret and I hadn’t been there in many years. It was the perfect day – cool and clear. We all hugged, cried, and said goodbye to Jacqueline. We walked for a bit to be awed by the beauty of this location that was so special to Jacqueline.
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| Caleb and Josh with their mother's cremains |
We had decided to go to Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery, where Dad and Mother are buried. We stopped at a market to get some flowers. I thought I had the grave site number memorized, but I was off by a bit. We found them before too long, though. Some of the trees were gone. There is a stunning view of the Pacific from this section. Dad loved the Pacific. Mother was born in Honolulu. He was in the Pacific Fleet, and she was an Island Girl. I crisscrossed two red roses on their headstone. We took photos. I was not able to go to San Diego when my dad died in 2002. The headstone our mother had had since 1963 was replaced to add our father’s name on the side facing the ocean. After saying our silent good-byes to Dad and Mother, we drove to the tip of Point Loma to visit the Cabrillo National Monument and to see San Diego from this stunning viewpoint. It still takes my breath away. We took more photos and visited the gift shop. Caleb needed a part for his motorcycle. The shop that had it moved without updating its website. They moved from Logan Heights to Chula Vista. They stayed open a few minutes longer, but we arrived right before closing.
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Me and Mother's side of the headstone
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Margaret, Caleb, and Josh and Dad's inscription
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| Caleb, me, Margaret, and Josh in front of the Cabrillo Monument statue |
We headed back to Margaret’s home, where we then went to dinner. Friday morning, Joshua and Caleb left. They were there for less than 2 days. We exchanged contact information. Margaret and I soon left for the Wild Animal Park [now Safari Park], where we met my best friend, Deborah, whom I hadn’t seen since 1995. It was a lovely day!
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Josh and Caleb going back home to Washington
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Me at the San Diego Zoo Wild Animal Park
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| Margaret (in her safari dress!) at the San Diego Zoo Wild Animal Park |
The property owner where Margaret lives was having health issues that landed him in the ER a couple of times. His wife went to stay with him, so Margaret took care of the horses. Even though I was as horse crazy as any girl could get, I’ve been away from them for over 13 years. I petted Luna a little, but she is shy, and I’m not pushy. I cleaned the owner’s horses’ six corrals in less than an hour and then spent the rest of the day recuperating.
The weather had been perfect when I arrived and for the next few days, but temperatures over 100° kept us indoors on Sunday. Deborah came down from Temecula and spent the day on Monday. We ended up visiting with the property owner, who had come home from the hospital to rest, for several hours. Deb stayed until about 10 p.m., then made the long drive home. I slept well on Margaret’s sofa bed. It was very comfy, as were the pillows and linens. A couple of Facebook Friends wanted to meet up, but there just wasn’t enough time on this trip. A friend from Junior High and High School, and a third cousin, who has since had her second child. Hopefully, when my husband, daughter, and I can go on a real visit in the near future. (Thinking positively here!)
Margaret had planned to order a 4th-generation iPod touch for herself when they were available and to send me her 2nd-generation iPod touch. That way, I would give my daughter my 1st gen that was also from Margaret. However, before I even flew out to San Diego, she informed me that she was going to buy a 4th gen for herself, my husband, and me. That way, my daughter would get her father’s 2nd gen. WOW! Well, she had one sent to her address and one sent to our address. If the one sent to her arrived before I went home, it was to be mine. If not, the one sent to my home would be. Well, they both arrived on Monday. I hadn’t brought my laptop, so I couldn’t use mine until I got home, but my husband was VERY eager. He synced his new 4th-gen before setting up his old one for our daughter. I read, listened to music, and watched a movie on my 1st gen during both flights. My brother-in-law had loaned me a rapid charger, which came in handy. The leg of the journey from Dulles to San Diego and the return were about 5 hours.
Margaret had arranged for me to take a shuttle from the nearest Starbucks to the airport. It was very convenient, and turns out, it was also fun. The driver and two men in the van were interesting and talkative. One of them was actually on my flight to Dulles. I arrived at Richmond about 11:00 p.m. My brother-in-law had driven my husband and daughter to pick me up. I was tired and cranky, but not nearly as sore as I had been when I had arrived in San Diego. Using the fold-down tray to hold my purse, and subsequently my hands with the iPod, was the way to go.
Husband, Daughter, and Lizzie were all fine. The house was fine. I brought a few things back from San Diego. Mostly postcards, but also a couple of little things for my daughter. I settled back into the routines of home life with much-needed recuperation time. I posted a Flickr Photo album with all of the photos I took while in San Diego. [Link is below.]
Margaret, Jacqueline, and I were always "The Three Hill Sisters." Just yesterday, we were young and healthy. How did we get to our 50’s so fast? Jacqueline is gone...and now there are only two of us.
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| The Three of Us © All Rights Reserved |
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